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Aliens at work

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Aliens at work

The human mind is a bizarre place. We like to think our purchases are in answer to our needs, but that’s not entirely true, is it? Sometimes we buy things for the sake of buying them. At times, there comes a point in our lives where we impart a silver of our lives to inanimate objects. And suddenly, they’re not inanimate anymore. They mean something to us, they become an extension of our souls. With time, however, we get bored of them, “it’s too much responsibility, I cannot tend to its ever-increasing needs,” we want to move on, but we’re stuck, bound to spend our nights on the watchful roads of Rawalpindi.

While I cannot describe Nawaz Sharif’s politics to hold any semblance of being organized, opinions intertwined in the most complicated way possible, some men of god, some men of men, and some men of changing loyalties, I see it as a parallel reality. A reality that wants to tear apart the twin cities and take care of only the less crowded one.

Ever since his disqualification, Nawaz Sharif has been screaming the presence of “aliens” in Pakistan, but has never identified them. What are these “aliens,” where do they live, and what exactly do they want? I wonder.

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Let’s take the stance of one of PML-N’s most dedicated leader and the undeclared king of Faisalabad Rana Sanaullah: apart from his bizarre fear of motorways and blades, Sanaullah is known to know everything about everything except, oddly, who exactly made Javed Iqbal the head of National Accountability Bureau (NAB.) He says someone, rather something, gave Iqbal the top job at one of Pakistan’s most important institutions without PML-N’s approval.

Ever since coming into power, Iqbal has decided to give PML-N leadership a rather special sedative that requires it to make at least five rounds to NAB offices every week.

Talking about NAB, I heard they nabbed PML-N’s Qammar-ul-Islam Raja a day after he publicly announced he’d be challenging the disgruntled Chaudhary Nisar in the upcoming elections. It’s worth mentioning that Nawaz Sharif thinks it’s “pre-poll rigging” by the same “aliens” that he says were behind his disqualification. Nawaz Sharif really doesn’t understand that NAB’s sudden awakening has nothing to do with any “aliens,” Mr. Iqbal is just brilliant at his job, no matter if a little selective.

As far as NA-59 is concerned, Raja’s 11-year-old son is all set to keep his constituents entertained until his father makes a come back, if he ever does. I just hope Nisar puts aside his love of presses and cashes in his Army Burn Hall College education once again for he really wouldn’t like losing to an 11-year-old now, would he?

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Moving forward to the man who took charge from Nisar, Ahsan Iqbal had his share of problems. Faizabad protest pretty much made his prestigious UPenn degree useless in front of an alienated bunch of helicopter-downers who went on to bring down the whole government. But then again, isn’t Iqbal the same ‘interior minister’ who was barred from attending a court hearing by his own men? I wonder if he ever fired them.

Anyway, Faizabad was a massive victory for the cleric-turned-politician-in-a-day’s-time Khadim Rizvi and his thousands of supporters. Now, please note that although Mr. Rizvi is a man of exquisite style, he’s very humble. His beautiful little paragraph dedicated to COAS Qamar Bajwa is only a small example of it.

Oh, before I forget to mention it, Nawaz Sharif says there were “aliens” behind the Faizabad protest. How absurd! How dare the thrice-elected premier of Pakistan ridicule the many, and super-fast, efforts of the great Khadim Hussain Rizvi? How dare he!

Take a quick look: Karachi must be divided to save its citizens

Long story short, Nawaz Sharif should realize that his style is outdated and the fast-progressing fashion industry of Rawalpindi has found someone new with a promise of  a new same country to replace him. In other words, Nawaz Sharif has read all of the books he was supposed to read and now his once-full burgundy bookshelf has been reduced to a mere memory: a painful reminder of what could have been, but also an exclamation to what should have been. It stands with scratches from battles he fought for someone else, the wood bending underneath the weight of some books he was too afraid to read, and a weary base akin to his dealings of the ghosts of all he has lost to life’s pace.

Nawaz Sharif’s “aliens” are nothing, but the buried voices in his head finally screaming to be heard. Listen.

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Shahzaib Awan

About the author: Shahzaib Awan is the CEO of Bisouv Group and House of Entremuse. He is currently pursuing a bachelors degree in Computer Science from Jacobs University, Germany. He regularly writes for a number of newspapers including The Express Tribune, DAWN, The Nation, and Dusk.

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